rotisserie chicken

i want some now.

Von Luschan's Chromatic Scale

It's just a matter of skin, literally, but we'll somehow never outrun it.

In the country of our racial origins, we no longer belong. Actually, never belonged.

In our country of birth, we are not indigenous and are hence second class citizens.

Even amongst "second class" citizens, we remain conscious of our "original" heritage... What the fuck does that even mean anymore? Am I ever going back to India or Sri Lanka, I jolly well think not.

Why is it that even amongst the so-called educated and liberal, interracial dating remains such a sticky issue? Many of my generation were raised colour blind in theory. In practice though, we're still herded to our respective communities when it comes to dating and finding life partners. Disclaimer: 1. my parents have thus far been consistent in theory and practise (with a few minor -and temporary- lapses in the case of the more orthodox of the two) 2. there's absolutely nothing wrong with going out with someone of the same race, but the same should be true of going out with people of other races...
Note that interracial dating is not some strange inter species oddity (we have the same number of chromosome pairs amongst other things) and it's not like there are major health issues from dating someone of a different race. Variations in the gene pool tend to serve as an advantage, precluding major/ heritable genetic issues. There appears to be a distinct inability to reconcile theoretically liberal upbringings and decisions with the precipitous parental shift towards conservatism for most.

It's interesting how it isn't alright to go out with someone with the same outlooks, with compatible life philosophies & values, of similar educational & socioeconomic backgrounds, with whom you share amazing chemistry and other rational bases of judgment, simply because of variations in basal levels of melanogenesis. Scratch that, it's not interesting, it's plain shallow.

Whatever! I'll never (and hopefully will never have to) understand bigotry of this order.

slate

Everything should be going well but nothing feels right. It's worse when there is nothing to blame. How can one explain hating the people one loves best, for no reason whatsoever, or for reasons that would regularly be insufficient in piquing emotions? Explaining it away or excusing it as an existential lay by serves to earn mere labels. Weltschmerz would be a slightly untrue depiction, a fine coating over the actual self-indulgence of the misery. At this point, a good, unapologetically mindless bawl would be the best prescription.

Dear lord, let it just be damn PMS already!

The writers bloc appears to be more than insignificantly transient :(((

2010

Graduated
Employed
Un-single
A complete Ammooma list -but for married with kids-. Mais, maintenant, tout commence juste.

2011, slightly tremulous but wholly excited!

c'était un rêve?

Salty air. Turquoise waters. Blazing sun. Cheap.Cold.Beer. Mmmmmm.

No footprints on the sand because we will always be the kind who'd walk close to the waters edge.
Et la mer efface sur le sable.

Bat gown, Mortar board, Degree scroll

The culmination of seventeen years of education merely produces a meh... sort of feeling. Instead I think of the job hunting process with vestiges of dread and with definite apprehension as to what my worth would be in the working world. A basic degree is not enough these days, for employers.. and for me. Striking the balance between what you want and what you can get is difficult. Annoying ambitions. Bloody bond. Thank goodness I'm done with school. Oh I miss school so. Damnit! but Yay! I got my Harry Potter robe, flat hat and decorative kitchen paper towel roll. Is it vain to not want a PhD. because the mushroom hat is quite fugs? Maybe shallow would be more apt haha. If it were a conical wizard topper it may be easier to fancy and can be recycled at Halloween haha

so yum.

springsteen singing fire.

Math don't add up in real life.

We are so much more than the woeful sum of our parts.

Mouse Mouses Mice

When my grandma was young, her sister forbade her from tying her hair in two braids, and I mean that in the most literal sense possible.
There are so many more real things to forbid kids from doing these days. Speed. Crystal meth. Angel dust. LSDs. Coke. Ketamine. ThereAreJustTooManyCrapThingsOutThereNotEvenIncludingOverTheCounterStuff. Donchoo be smackin that crack kiddo.
Things aren't as simple as they used to be but then again we can buy groceries with a bunch of clicks.

Blogging is

an exercise in navel gazing.



No lint.

It's easier to reflect on the -unfortunately-oh-so-traceable- net then to do things in real time and space sometimes but there is a fine line between introspection and self-absorption.

The unusual fountainhead

we only wake to feed our dreams

inspiration from an unconventional source... the Oxford Handbook of Clinical Medicine whadayaknow.

The keratinous cataclysm

It doesn't make sense. When I voluntarily removed it, it was cool. Now that it drops, in sheaves, bundles and clumps, I'm going nuts. What is wrong? The water? A hormonal imbalance? Definitely not a lack of nutrition. Weather change? Stress? -over what?

It has confirmed my vanity, how does one not writhe at their own shallowness. Being upset that you're upset at something trivial makes you feel more upset. Don't tell me how to feel. It doesn't stop me feeling the way I do. It just makes me guilty about the way I feel.

A pointless spiraling, geometrically progressing such that each recurrent relation of the term 'upset' is worse than the preceding one. Simply, let n = upset and the common ratio be something positive. An exponential increase over time. Does mathematically defining a problem soothe the soul? Sometimes. You have a sense of control over something.

It might not be a good idea...

to introduce a date to your dad when he's wearing a parental advisory tee. Doesn't help if your mother is myopic and gets someone to read the tee out loud. Quite funny when the person doing it is the proper aunt. Exceedingly hilarious when guy in question flushes rosy red.

What I will miss...

1) random tau huey jaunts, roof climbing and corridor gossip sessions with the girls
2) midnight runs and the salty pool
3) engineering unfunny humour from profs and classmates
4) waking up at noon
5) sleeping at noon
6) Tagore quoting the Spice Girls in philo classes
7) the green hammock
8) hanging around campus in FBTs
9) drama, dance, sports, performances
10) the specific brand of camaraderie only found in halls

Of sand scrapes and twilight parasailing

It was a spontaneous decision, the kind you're always glad you made.
SlapdashRandomIncidental?
The light behind is fading, the ground below is glowing and over the sea we swoop. An ungainly bird, flammable, no smoking in the air please!
At some point, instead of appreciating the glittering gem of the island or the gliding, soaring, flying, I thought "shit, all that's stopping gravity from acting is a nylon canopy overhead, a canvas harness under-ass and the strings that ligament-like keeps us attached to the boat below."
A deep breath, hard to catch in mid-air, and the calmness sought is found. Maybe now I get why Icarus could not not go higher.

Yupdate

okay, so i have not blogged in forever.
nepal and tibet were AMAZING sans food poisoning in Kathmandu. home is awesome. still haven't started looking for a job/ sending out C.V.s/ doing all the things a responsible graduate should do. Graduation in slightly over a week. Going to KL again today. I really need to update my blog.

21052010

This time last year, the day after your birthday, I saw you for the final time before going home.
It's funny how some dates will always be imprinted in ones memory.
I could not blog yesterday.
Sometimes,I wonder what would have happened, if I had not taken that flight a year ago. The outcome could have been the same, but would my sense of guilt match that of those who were there on that fateful day, 10 days from today, a year ago?
On the last day of this month, I will be away, far from it all, perhaps on a dusty road in Kathmandu, on a green trail hiking to Nagarkot, in a dingy restaurant eating spicy potstickers or on a breezy plateau high above the rest of the world. A year would have passed and my reaction will still be apparently torpid. Moping sucks and does nothing for anyone, I will laugh hard on that day, the way we used to.
Are people onions? Layer upon layer, almost-always hollow-centred, they add flavour, they make you cry. Whatever.

"From a delightfully digression-packed essay on John Mackie's argument from relativity"
reading that statement on my prof's blog followed by an excerpt of my answer script was a little unnerving but whadayaknow, he must have liked the digressions :)))

Vertigo,

the conflict between the fear of falling and the desire to fall.