If only I could take back the things I say and do in anger. It is no excuse, maybe it is time to get some anger management sorted out because this is not the first time I've overstepped certain boundaries. You drive me crazy, in good ways mainly but occasionally when it is in a bad way, snap. This is not a statement of it being your fault in anyway, it is about how much more vulnerable I am to you and yours, surprising considering how ambivalent I usually am about external opinion.
With you, the highs are higher and the lows are lower. It is a matter of choosing a life with not too much variability, a nice constant wave with softly rising hills and shallow valleys or the crazy roller-coaster we are on with insane happiness and intense sorrow. When things are going good, we are amazing! When they are not, we worse than suck... Those who know are telling me to step away, but they do not understand your brand of magic and the kind of optimism I cling on too. Things have been too beautiful and good for me to want to step away so easily. Nobody else has used such horrible words on me or made me feel so crappy about myself but nobody else summons rainbows. Hownowbrowncow?
Friday, July 27, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Two peas in a pod?
We make one another sound like horrible people. Me in my words to you, you in what you write for the world to see.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Birds of a feather...
Periorbital puffiness, hand tremors, headaches, malaise, aching muscles, irritability... it must be sleep deprivation.
Night Owl,
I want to be there for you and to hear you out but when exhausted, these will not be the best listening ears or the most comfortable shoulder to cry on. Fatigue and irritation cause piercing words to roll of ones tongue. Exhaustion means that I cannot reason well and am too tired to respond appropriately but I do want to be there for you. However, the fatigue means that I am not being myself either and will not be at my best :((
The Morning Lark.
On a different and rather extreme note:
"Sleep deprivation is regarded as torture under international law and is branded as such by the United Nations. Sleep deprivation may sound quite harmless in comparison to other methods of torture; however, ongoing sleep deprivation is an extraordinarily cruel form of torture which leads to a breakdown of the nervous system and to other serious physical and psychological damage."
I want to be there for you and to hear you out but when exhausted, these will not be the best listening ears or the most comfortable shoulder to cry on. Fatigue and irritation cause piercing words to roll of ones tongue. Exhaustion means that I cannot reason well and am too tired to respond appropriately but I do want to be there for you. However, the fatigue means that I am not being myself either and will not be at my best :((
The Morning Lark.
On a different and rather extreme note:
"Sleep deprivation is regarded as torture under international law and is branded as such by the United Nations. Sleep deprivation may sound quite harmless in comparison to other methods of torture; however, ongoing sleep deprivation is an extraordinarily cruel form of torture which leads to a breakdown of the nervous system and to other serious physical and psychological damage."
Thursday, July 05, 2012
3,2,1
The one second before a bomb blows, you never truly anticipate it. This
one took the anger away but replaced it with regret and pain.
Two seconds of an earthquake, devastation that takes months to recover from and the ground beneath your feet will not feel as solid for a while. Blink your eye and it happens but the aftermath will not spare quite so quickly.
In three seconds one can majorly fuck up the rest of their lives. This is one of the few things that I wish I had not done. The cost of acting on anger is self-loathing and the destruction of something beautiful. I will never have rainbow-first-kisses with anyone else. I died inside the moment it happened and so in fact did die before you.
Two seconds of an earthquake, devastation that takes months to recover from and the ground beneath your feet will not feel as solid for a while. Blink your eye and it happens but the aftermath will not spare quite so quickly.
In three seconds one can majorly fuck up the rest of their lives. This is one of the few things that I wish I had not done. The cost of acting on anger is self-loathing and the destruction of something beautiful. I will never have rainbow-first-kisses with anyone else. I died inside the moment it happened and so in fact did die before you.
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