Grey days; the continuation of a pre-teen's emo, "I've-got-uncool-shoes", whinging.
You.
It sucks that things are ambiguous, I can't date other people without feeling a slight twinge of guilt since you don't like open-ended relationships, we can't break up because there is no "we" to begin with, to be fair I know that my response has always been the ambiguous one. raaaawr!
Hair
The hair dresser has given me an exceedingly curly fringe and worse yet kept saying "if straight, sure nice one. You cannot manage means come back and straighten lah girl."
FUCK you. I have curly hair, asked if you could cut curly hair, got an affirmative and came out with a leonesque mane, 60 bucks poorer and you dare to fucking tell me to straighten it?!
If you can't work with it, just say so.
Sorry... the bitterness is probably just a reminder of school days, when cute little kids from the majority population of the island state asked me dumb fuck questions like, "eeeeeh, why you so dark?" "Why your eyes poke out one?" "Why your nose poke out one?" and of course, "Why your hair so curly?" Nice...I'm sure the racism was unintentional that said, I won't try and pass it as "oh they were too young to know."Those kids and I were the same age but hello, I never asked stupid questions about facial features/ hair nor did I ever pull a Miley Cyrus...
DeePee
Bye first "John", Hi stress! Val seriously has it tough over the next few weeks but I trust that she can do it. The new "John" is after all pretty seasoned.
Angst: Dance! I'm so scared that I'll screw up. Keep forgetting steps and my blocking. Sharon gave me a (well deserved) ticking off and Derek gave me some good advice ("you should stick to writing and leave the dancing to dancers"). Also, I'm flipping out thinking about the costume. Most dancers are skinny and petite. In our contemp dance, we're supposed to be fairies/ butterflies. Now you get a winged hippo on stage. That said, I can't bring myself to eat any less. In fact, as a reaction to the stress, I've prolly been eating hell of a lot more. Le sigh.
On a separate note, I love XX for being damn encouraging and for teaching me every time (which is almost always) I forget steps. Also glad that Sharon accepted my apology and was very optimistic and encouraging. Sometimes, I almost feel like it is possible.
God... this is super puerile (esp the hairdresser hahaha), it could be an all new genre, emo-juve(nile). Two angsty posts, finally using the blog in a more diary-like manner? Wonder how long it would take for me to delete either. After all, I hate remembering bad things.
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